7 STEPS TO BE HAPPILY EVER AFTER: How to Make Your Relationship Last

7 STEPS TO BE HAPPILY EVER AFTER: How to Make Your Relationship Last

Marriage is a home, a refuge against the outside storms. And like any house, it requires a strong and lasting foundation. To build one, every couple needs to take certain steps that turn the two of you into not just you and me but we. Come to think of it; what makes love last a lifetime? Affection! Yep. Respect! Sure. But a great marriage is not just about what you have. It’s about how committed you are to making that relationship stronger, safer, and more caring. Here’s how to make yours “forever” fantastic.

#STEP 1:

FIND A SHARED DREAM FOR YOUR LIFE TOGETHER:-

It’s easy to get caught up in the small stuff of married life: What’s for dinner? Whose turn is it to clean the litter box? Did you pay the electric bill? But the best partners never lose sight of the fact that they’re working together to achieve the same big dreams. “Successful couples quickly develop a mindfulness of ‘us,’ of being coupled,” says REDBOOK Love Network expert, Jane Greer, Ph.D., a marriage and family therapist in New York City. “They have a shared vision, saying things like, ‘We want to plan to buy a house, we want to take a vacation to such-and-such a place, we like to do X, we think we want to start a family at Y time.'”

#STEP 2:

CHOOSE EACH OTHER AS YOUR FIRST FAMILY:-

For years, you were primarily a member of one family: the one in which you grew up. Then you got married, and suddenly you became the foundation of a new family, one in which husband and wife is the A-team. It can be tough to shift your identity like this, but it’s also an important part of building your self-image as a duo (and maybe, eventually, as three or four or…).

Whatever your challenges – an overprotective mom? An overly critical father-in-law? – you have to outline together the boundaries between you and all of the families connected to you. Not only will you feel stronger as a united front but when you stick to your shared rules, all that family baggage will weigh on you a lot less.

#STEP 3:

LEARN HOW TO FIGHT RIGHT:-

“Fighting is the big problem every couple has to deal with”, says Daniel B. Wile, Ph.D., a psychologist and couples therapist in Oakland, CA, and author of After the Fight. That’s because fights will always come up, so every couple needs to learn how to fight without tearing each other apart.

Fighting right doesn’t just mean not throwing produce; it means staying focused on the issue at hand and respecting each other’s perspective. Couples that fight right also find ways to defuse the tension, says Wile. Even if you fight a lot, when you can find a way to turn fights toward the positive – with a smile, a quick apology, an expression of appreciation for the other person – the storm blows away fast, and that’s what matters.

#STEP 4:

FIND A BALANCE BETWEEN TIME FOR TWO AND TIME FOR YOU:-

With the right balance, neither partner feels slighted or smothered. You have enough non-shared experiences to fire you up and help you maintain a sense of yourself outside the relationship – not to mention give you something to talk about at the dinner table. But you also have enough time together to feel your connection as a strong tie rather than as a loose thread.

#STEP 5:

IGNITE (AND REIGNITE) A SEXUAL CONNECTION:-

In any good relationship, sex is way more than just a physical act. It’s crucial for the health of your emotional connection, too: It’s something only the two of you share; it makes you both feel warm and loved; it draws you back together when you’re drifting apart. And did I mention that it’s a whole lot of fun?

Striking up those sparks when you first meet is easy. Nurturing a strong, steady flame? That’s the hard part. When you’ve got a mortgage, a potbelly, and a decade or two of togetherness under your belts, it can be hard to muster up the fire you felt when you first got together. That’s when it’s even more important to protect your sex life and make it a priority. “You have to keep working to create allure and seduction for each other or your sex life will become lackluster

As the years go by, you’ll keep revisiting and realigning and reimagining the passion you have for each other. And if you keep at it, you’ll have a sex life that transcends your marriage’s lack of newness.

#STEP 6:

BUILD A BEST FRIENDSHIP:-

Think about the things that make your closest friendships irreplaceable: the trust that comes with true intimacy, the willingness to be vulnerable, and the confidence that the friendship can withstand some conflict. Don’t those sound like good things to have in your marriage, too?

“Happy couples are each other’s haven,” says Holland. They can count on the other person to listen and try to meet their needs. When you’re true friends, you acknowledge and respect what the other person is; you don’t try to control or change them. This creates a sense of safety and security when you’re together – you know you’re valued for who you are and you see the value in your partner.”

#STEP 7:

FACE DOWN A MAJOR CHALLENGE TOGETHER:-

You’re sailing along through life, and suddenly you hit a huge bump. A serious illness, unemployment, the loss of a home or a death in the family. How do you cope? The truth is, you never know how strong your relationship is until it’s tested. All too often, the stress of a crisis can pull a couple apart. But the good news is, when you do make it through in one piece, you might just find yourselves tighter than ever.

“What didn’t happen to us?” says Daryl, 28, a preschool teacher in Harrisburg, PA. “My husband lost his job and took a minimum-wage job he was way overqualified for just to make ends meet. He was offered a better job in a mountain town outside San Diego, so we moved. Then during the California wildfires several years ago, our house burned down and we lost everything. We were living in a one-room converted garage with no running water and a newborn. But we found that this chaos somehow brought us even closer together. We took turns losing it. We really kept each other sane.”

Hey, marriage is no role in the hay. It’s tough, real work. But the reward, the edifice you build together that will shelter you through years of tough times, is more than worth the effort. The small, friendly cottage you build – decorated with your shared history and stories, filled with color and laughter – will be the warmest and safest retreat you can imagine.

By Becky George

Photo Credit: Google